my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
