I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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