I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I skipped work to stalk him.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize