I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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