If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize