omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
