I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
