on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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