I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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