If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
