I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize