how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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