the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
