Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
