none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
