Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
