loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
