wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
