Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Sex in the backyard? Check.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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