I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
