The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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