I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
