Ketchup is God's man juice
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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