Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
