i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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