i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
