Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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