I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
