Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
