You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
