I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
