so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize