It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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