My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
