Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
