Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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