i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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