I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
