dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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