i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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