if i can run in heels then i can drive
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
