Life is so much better after having sex.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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