Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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