She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
