remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
