Don't you send me to vm
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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