wakey wakey hands off snakey
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
