Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
