I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize