I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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