the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
