I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
