and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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