is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
