she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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