Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
