You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
