Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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