My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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