If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
