Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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