O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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