You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My cat gives me a boner
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
