wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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