i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
where am i from again
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
