Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
