so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
