I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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